To Love and Lose
by T3h Toby-Chan
Summary: Can we say love triangles? When rained in at the dojo, friendships and romances will be made and broken, especially when Soujiro comes along. Some Shonen ai and het relationships.
1. Chapter 1: Old enemy, New Friend

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A/N: I wrote this fic out of a challenge to myself to write different pairings. I've often become to dedicated to certain pairings, that I can't bring myself to think of anything else. It's not good for an author to be closed minded, therefore, I wrote this. My hope was to change my initial view of character relationships, while keeping them in character. (I'm very bad at writing in-character in the first place) I hope the readers might also enjoy seeing new pairings done, even if they have been fanatics of the others.  
  
Be warned, there is some very mild Shonen Ai in here.  
  
Just so you know, I'm not writing it to appease the Yaoi fangirls, it's simply my own interpretation of the characters. And if you're offended by it, I don't need to hear about it.  
  
I don't write Yaoi, and I don't write lemons.  
  
That's about all. Thank you very much for coming to read, and remember, I thrive on reviews!!!!  
  
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The rain fell out of the gray sky and on to the thirsty earth, as a dark haired boy walked on beneath the cover of rooftops from nearby houses. He looked forward and pleasantly smiled, as the grim faces of passers by moved in the opposite direction.  
'Rain,' He said to himself, stepping out onto the path once he was all out of roof cover, 'It makes everybody so sad.'  
He continued on his own, getting strange looks from people when they saw he smiled through the dreariness, and even more so, when they saw he carried a sword. Occasionally, there was a group of ladies beneath their flowered umbrellas who made a sign of a smile and spoke amongst themselves saying,  
"Well would you look at that young man!"  
"Isn't he so cute?"  
"Yes, but a sword? Do you suppose he could even use it?"  
"I don't think that smile is one of a swordsman."  
And they would walk on, leaving him on his way. He supposed it was a good thing that nobody suspected anything of him. After all, much could be hidden behind an innocent smile.  
By the time he made it to the place he had been searching for, his sandals were muddy and his light gi was soaked all the way through, plastered to his skin, but he seemed so unaffected by it all, and kept his expression steadfast.  
He stepped up to the gate, requested entrance and stood back to wait. As the time passed, marked by the raindrops, he stood back and admired the lovely bold kanji writing on the plaque beside the post,  
"Kamiya Kasshin Ryu".  
"Hai?" A woman's voice called, muffled between the space and falling drops, "You can come in!"  
He walked through the front gate, and up to the door, where a girl stood in the frame, hands folded. Taking no hurry, he went past the well, and the laundry post, and looked at every detail of the dojo before he finally approached her, with a friendly smile.  
"K-konnichi wa," the girl said formally, "How can I help you?" She took a moment to study the appearance of this rainsoaked visitor and realized that the question really answered itself.  
"My name is Seta Soujiro, ma'am." He said, looking up at the girl in the yellow kimono, "I have heard that Himura-San lives here. Is it true?"  
Her eyes widened.  
"A-ano..." She thought about what she had been told about Soujiro- San, before finally concluding that he didn't seem to present a threat.  
"Please, come in." She said, "And let me get you some dry clothes. You'll catch your death of cold if you stay like that."  
"Arigatou," He said, still smiling. He would have told her not to trouble herself, but then he saw it would be rude to simply enter the house dripping all about.  
"Kaoru-Dono?" a head of red hair came behind the girl just as she turned to get Soujiro-San a change of clothes, "Who is it?"  
She stepped out of Kenshin's way and let him see for himself the visitor that had come to the dojo.  
"Seta... Soujiro." He said, eyes widening.  
"Kenshin, do you have any extra clothes that our guest could wear."  
"Guest?"  
"Kenshiiiin. Don't be rude. Soujirou-San needs a change of clothes."  
"H-hai." Kenshin said, in a state of shock, and ran to his room to fetch something. He returned to the boy with a folded yukata and a towel.  
"Sessha dosen't have much clothing, de gozaru." He said, handing Soujiro his things, and stepping out of the way.  
"That's alright, Himura-San. I just need something dry is all." He bowed and Kaoru showed him a spare room to change in.  
Sliding the shoji door shut, she went to Kenshin to ask about the sudden strange guest.  
"Wasn't that the boy that was with Shishio?"  
"Aa."  
"And he tried to kill you?"  
"Aa."  
"Why would he be coming by in such a friendly manor now?"  
"Sessha dosen't know. But Aoshi-Sama once tried to kill Sessha as well, de gozaru."  
"That is right..."  
The door slid open and Soujiro stood with the yukata on, and the wooden basin under his arm with his rolled wet clothes in it.  
"I'm sorry to be a bother to you." He said, coming towards the two.  
"It's no trouble at all, de gozaru."  
"Ano... we were just about to begin lunch." Kaoru said, "Would you care to join?"  
"That would be great, if I'm not imposing. But I really do need to speak with Himura-San." The boy looked at them with sweet eyes.  
"Very well. But we should eat first, ne?" Kenshin said, motioning down the hallway.  
"Did you make enough, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, tightening the ribbon on her ponytail, "It seems we have everybody over today."  
"I think we have enough to feed half of Tokyo, de gozaru." He responded, with a well practiced smile. The girl's eyes wandered over the two, from the young man, to the older one, and noticed how their smiles matched so well. Although each seemed innocent, they both hid a certain sadness, and insincerity.  
The dinner table was already teeming with conversation once they had made it there. It seemed there was hardly room to fit one more physically, but there was warmth in conversation, and a family aura that welcomed any new member.  
On one side of the table, there was a tall white-clad man with a bandana in his wild hair, and a fishbone between his teeth, his posture revealing most everything about his attitude. Beside him, a short boy with spiked hair was arguing with him, and apparently enjoying it. Farther down, a beautiful woman, a fox it seemed, was involved in the quarrel, her rouge lips twisted in a smirk while she peered through her low hanging bangs and occasionally shot clever comments and let out a little "Ohohoho!"  
On the other side, where Soujiro was placed, while Kenshin and Kaoru sat at opposite ends of the table, was a more interesting pair. Soujiro took time in quietly observing the intriguing couple, more so, the girl. It seemed the two were as seperate as night and day.  
He was tall, centered, and spoke very little, letting most things pass with mild consideration, as he quietly sipped his tea. Peering more closely, he studied the man's calm face, unsmiling mouth, and mostly his ice blue eyes. For the most part, the man seemed youthful, but his eyes held such a glow of age and pain; they were the eyes of a wounded man.  
To his side was a vivacious young girl, with deep potent eyes, sparkling full of life and energy. She was nearly half the size of the man beside her, making it seem as though they may be siblings, but the way she often took his arm or smiled happily at him would lead one to believe she thought much more of him.  
As Soujiro was brought around the table, Kaoru, trying to appear as the best hostess, introduced him.  
"We have another guest tonight," She said, properly. The man in the bandana turned around, and nearly choked on his fishbone.  
"J-Jou-chan! Have you lost your mind?" He spluttered.  
"Maa maa, Sano." Kenshin argued, putting his hands up to calm his friend, "Soujiro-San is our guest right now."  
"Yeah! So be nice!" Kaoru scolded, bonking Sanosuke over the head with her fist.  
"Itai!" He yelled, rubbing his head.  
"Ohohohoho!" Megumi laughed, little fox ears popping out.  
"I'm... an old acquaintance of Himura-San's." Soujiro said, smiling even more.  
"The hell you are!" Sano argued, not at all ready to sit for lunch with this former enemy, "You worked for Shishio and tried to kill Kenshin!"  
"It's not like Himura to hold someone's past against them, and you know that." The short girl spoke, waving a friendly hello to the new guest, all the while clutching on to her companion's arm, "Right Aoshi- Sama?"  
'Aoshi...?' Soujiro's thoughts raced for a moment before he came to a memory, 'Shinomori Aoshi... that was the man that gave Himura-San those cuts on his neck on the day we fought... so it appears the rurouni has taken more than one old enemy under his wing tonight.'  
"Hey you!" Sanosuke pounded a bandaged fist on the table, startling Soujiro a bit, before he made eye contact.  
"Nani? You mean me?" he asked.  
"Yeah, you. What are you thinking about?"  
"Huh? I wasn't thinking about anything."  
"Sure you were. What else did you have that big ass smile on your face for?"  
"I just felt like smiling."  
"If you're planning something, I'm on to you."  
"You really need to settle, Sano, de gozaru." Kenshin piped in, "You don't want dinner to get cold."  
"Well... You know I wouldn't waste a meal." He folded his arms suspiciously, "But still... I've got my eye on you, buddy."  
"As if you could stop him, were he planning anything," Megumi chuckled sarcastically.  
"Hey, I'm right here!" The boy beside Sano said loudly, "I didn't disappear! Now I wanna know just what the hell is going on!"  
"Watch your language, Yahiko-CHAN!" Kaoru scolded.  
"Don't call me Chan! Besides, all I said was he-"  
"You need to act with an attitude more fitting to the successor of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu."  
"I can say what I want, Busu!"  
"Don't call me Busu!"  
"Busu! Busu!"  
"Settle down, please," Kenshin attempted, weakly.  
"Listen to Himura, guys. I'd rather start eating." Misao said.  
"What do you have to say about this, Weasel girl? You weren't even there!" Sano fumed. Three kunai quickly sailed past his face and thudded into the wall.  
"Don't call me a weasel!" She glared at him intently, as though she planned to step across the table at any given moment to break his neck.  
The quarreling moved on between each person and the fights grew louder and more intense before a whistle finally pierced the sound.  
Everyone froze and turned to the source of the whistle, where Aoshi calmly sat, bringing the tea cup to his lips, slowly drinking and setting it down.  
"Now, Battousai has worked very hard to make us this meal, and we should at least give him the respect he deserves by quieting down to eat it." He spoke without passion, or more words than it was necessary for him to say.  
Slowly, Misao pulled her Kunai away from Sano's face, Kaoru loosened her grip on Yahiko's shoulders, and Kenshin let out a long breath as though he had been holding it in the whole time.  
"Arigatou, Aoshi-Sama."  
"No problem."  
Kenshin set the food out on the center of the table and busied himself serving the rice, and helping everyone with their meal.  
The table quickly returned to normal conversation as if no fight had ever taken place there. While the occasional spats took place, the essence of fond feelings still resonated.  
Soujiro's attention was still drawn towards the girl he sat beside. She was always so spirited, and affectionate towards Aoshi, and yet he never responded. Sometimes he even seemed annoyed.  
The meal proceeded, as Soujiro quietly took his time learning about each person that was there in the room, keeping note of their habits, their quirks, and their bothers.  
Kenshin finished early and excused himself, motioning for Soujiro to follow him, which the boy did obediently.  
They stepped outside, and headed for a distant empty room where they wouldn't be disturbed. The dreary air wafted through the thin walls, and creaks sounded through the floor. Kenshin lit an oil lamp and sat down on a mat, inviting his guest to sit opposite of him.  
Both men sat in silence for a while, studying eachother, sensing the air, thinking of things to say.  
"I suppose you wonder why I came here Himura-San." Soujiro began, lowering his smile to a grim expression. He had retained his signature grin, even after he began wandering, and felt that only Kenshin could understand the weight of a false smile.  
"Hai," Kenshin said, encouraging Soujiro to continue.  
"Well..." He began, straightening the end of his Yukata, "I've taken after your decision to begin wandering. It's helped so far, I suppose. I haven't quite found myself yet, though."  
"That's not unnormal. Sessha still has trouble with that, de gozaru."  
The flame on the oil lamp stretched upward into a thin cone and drew back down again, in a liquid motion, casting long slender shadows on the paper walls.  
"But... somehow it dosen't seem to work. I'm..."  
"Lonely?"  
"Yes."  
Kenshin breathed calmly and blinked slowly in search of a response.  
"I... I really don't know where to go now."  
Still no response from Kenshin.  
"Couldn't you help me, Himura?"  
"Sessha..." Kenshin paused, "Sessha is lonely also."  
"You? But you live here. You have all of these people who care for you."  
"But have you ever felt that, Soujiro-San? Being surrounded by so many people, and still feeling alone?"  
'Every day when I was young,'  
"Yes." was the only response Soujiro gave.  
A pause full of thought and gravity followed.  
"Himura-San..." The young voice spoke, pausing again.  
"Himura-San, there's more to me than you may know." He finally said. Kenshin gazed forward with his violet eyes, "There are things... things I've done. Things that other people would be disgusted by. They wouldn't understand."  
"Soujiro-"  
"I knew you would understand, though, Himura. You lived through the Bakmatsu. You slayed men. You know the scent of blood, and the way it feels on your hands. You've cried the tears of a guilty man." Soujiro was leaning forward, a pleading of consolance in his eyes.  
"Shishio-Sama's group was all I had for a family," He said, while tears formed in his eyes, "He, Yumi-San, The Juppongatana. They were the only ones who cared for me. And then you came along. And you told me Shishio Sama was wrong. And for the first time in so long, I felt rage. I felt anger and hatred rising up inside me. Not just for you, but for myself. For so long, I never questioned what Shishio-Sama taught me."  
He saw how far he had leaned forward, and sat back, carefully.  
"Then you came along. You changed everything I thought I knew. You confused me to the point of breaking. I thought you had to be insane, and therefore weak... and therefore had to be slain."  
Kenshin nodded slowly.  
"And then I left to become a rurouni like you. But I discovered nothing. I realized... what I want is to be with you. To learn from you. Maybe then I can find rest."  
"Soujiro-San." Kenshin asked quietly.  
"Nani?"  
"What did you do that was so horrible?"  
Another long potent pause filled the air, and pulled the seconds by.  
"Perhaps it's better left unsaid."  
"If you wish to keep it that way... So now what?"  
"I-... I want to stay here."  
"You'll have to ask Kaoru-Dono."  
"But you wouldn't mind?" Soujiro's eyes brightened, revealing the youth he truly had.  
"Of course not. I would be honored to have you stay."  
"Arigatou." Soujiro said, bowing slightly, "Arigatou gozaimas. Ano..." He looked up.  
"Nani?"  
"What can you tell me about that Misao girl?"  
"Misao-Dono?"  
"Yes."  
"She's current Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu, de gozaru."  
"That little girl?" Soujiro gaped.  
"She may look little, but she is sixteen, de gozaru."  
"Ano... Himura?"  
"Hai?"  
"Is she in love with Aoshi-Sama?"  
"It would seem so."  
"Does... does Aoshi-Sama love her?"  
The rurouni tilted his head to the side in question, and considered the question.  
"Sessha... dosen't know much about the subject of love, de gozaru."  
Soujiro averted his gaze and sighed with a longing of understanding.  
"Sessha wonders... why do you ask?"  
The boy looked back up,  
"Misao-Chan... dosen't seem happy."  
"Oro?"  
"She's lonely. I can tell."  
"Then perhaps you have far more skills at reading people than any of us, de gozaru."  
"She looks so happy dosen't she?"  
"Ano..."  
"She is a far better faker than either of us."  
With this observation, Soujiro stood up, and slid the shoji screen open, and closed it again, walking down the hallway. Kenshin stayed in his sitting position, listening to the light sound of Soujiro's footsteps down the hallway, until they finally faded away.  
"Misao-Dono..." He whispered, and slowly leaned over to extinguish the oil lamp.  
  
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Afternote:  
  
Oi! That was a lot of Japanese. In fact, almost too much. I'll try to keep it down, especially considering I don't speak Japanese. I'll write translations, because I myself find it annoying when authors don't put translations.  
  
Konnichi wa- Good Day/ hello  
  
Hai/Aa- They both mean yes, or, okay. It seems more men use "Aa", and women use "Hai."  
  
Ano- "Um" or "Excuse me"  
  
Arigatou- Thank you  
  
De Gozaru- The way Kenshin always finishes his sentences  
  
Sessha- "This unworthy one" The way Kenshin says "I" or "Me".  
  
Jou-Chan- "Little Missy"  
  
Maa maa- Now, now  
  
Itai- Ow!  
  
Nani- What  
  
Busu- Ugly/ hag (Yahiko's favorite word for Kaoru)  
  
Oro- "Huh?" Kenshin's word. Most people say "Ara?" but, Kenshin needs his signature words.  
  
San- Mr./Miss  
  
Chan- title for young people, often affectionate. Yahiko resents being called Chan  
  
Sama- Lord/Lady  
  
Dono- Old fashioned form of San. Only Kenshin uses this.  
  
Gi- Shirt, like the one Kenshin wears.  
  
Yukata- A thin cotton Kimono  
  
Okay, there's your Japanese 101. (Goodness Gracious, we could start a language class!) The next chapter will be longer, with some less Japanese, hopefully. Be warned, this will get pretty Soap Opera-ish. -_-;  
  
Please leave a review on your way out! I like to know how many people read my stuff.  
  
Just clicky on that little box, and I'll give you some pocky! Ja ne! 


	2. Chapter 2: Steady Rain and Sudden Change

~*~To Love And Lose~*~ *  
  
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* By: Toby-Chan *  
  
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* Chapter 2  
  
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It was a dull afternoon, and the rain, with no signs of letting up soon, was threatening to make prisoners of those far from home. In the Akabeko, the customers gazed out the window and heaved a little sigh. Some decided to brave the storm with a sheer determination to make it home again, and others had no problem waiting it out with their sake glasses in hand. Farmers on the countryside in their sheds out with the animals just prayed they could make it back to the houses without catching cold.  
And on the Kamiya Dojo, the houseguests had no option but to pester their hosts for a while longer.  
Sanosuke leaned against the wooden door post overlooking the front courtyard, where the dirt ground was being made into paths of sloshy mud, and the rain made rhythmic little plinks on the cover of the well, like many tiny hands beating on a drum.  
"Well, Kitsune, looks like you'll be staying here a while," He declared with a sarcastic little glance over his shoulder at the woman behind him.  
"Hmph, nobody said you had to stay, toori-atama." She said, giving her bangs a quick flick to get them out of her eyes. She stood nearly a head shorter than the younger man, but every time they spoke, she seemed to assume dominance over him.  
He looked once again into her overbearing eyes and averted his gaze. Man, she could be scary sometimes!  
"It's not like I like you staying," He argued, moving once again into his defensive smart-ass mode, "But, I mean, you do make pretty damn good Ohagi."  
She tried to hide her grin, enjoying this game they often played. Attempting to put on her most annoyed face she scoffed,  
"Typical man," she said, rolling her eyes, "You only think with your stomachs. Or your-"  
"That's not true!" He interupted, making a fist out of conviction with his words, "You just don't know me well enough! I bet I could be smarter than you!"  
"Ohohoho!" She giggled, covering her mouth, "That's a laugh, baka! You couldn't figure your way out of a paper bag."  
"Could too!"  
"Toori-Atama."  
"Kitsune!"  
Their quarrel continued much to the chagrin of the others in the room. They had gotten used to the combatative nature of the two strong egos, but sometimes they wondered when it got over the top.  
Megumi, on the other hand, loved arguing with the baka rooster. She felt like she had an idiot brother to keep her busy fighting with. The conflict always arose the youthful feeling she felt she had been robbed of having in her early years.  
Sano... well, he liked fighting, period.  
The Kenshin-gumi watched intentively as the two exchanged insults and occasionally supressed laughter. How they managed to come up with so many different ways to argue was beyond their comprehension.  
In the distant corner, Kaoru raised her bokken over her head and sliced downward quickly, as Yahiko mimicked with the swings of his Shinai.  
'Thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, thirty four-... dammit, this is getting boring,' he thought, drawing his expression inward to be more and more exasperated. 'Thirty nine, forty...' He was about ready to throw down his sword.  
"Busu?" He asked Kaoru, trying to find some diversion to keep his mind busy.  
"I'm not going to respond to that," Kaoru said, intently keeping her eyes forward.  
"C'mon!" he ignored her warning, "When are we actually gonna start sparring?"  
Kaoru responded, not pausing from her excersises.  
We can't," swing, "spar," swing, "until," swing, "You're," swing, "done with," swing, "Your practice." She paused and panted, a little bit flushed.  
"So keep going!" She pointed her bokken at his face.  
"Whatever, Busu." He grumbled gripping his shinai handle.  
"Who are you calling Busu, kid?"  
"I'm not a kid, dammit!"  
The attentions of the room were directed towards the second fight taking place. Megumi and Sano with their bickering was one thing, but with Kaoru and Yahiko things always had the potential to get violent, especially when they both had their weapons.  
"Maa, maa!" Kenshin tried once again to play peacemaker, "We don't another broken wall like last time, de gozaru."  
Both of the shot a dagger glare at him and continued to yell.  
"That was this brat's fault!"  
"I wouldn't have done it if you hadn't pushed me!"  
"Pushed you? We were sparring! You jumped at me!"  
"And you stepped out of the way!"  
"Well make up your mind! Did I push you, or move out of the way?"  
Kenshin humbly stepped back. He knew how to pick his battles.  
Soujiro, who had been quietly observing up until now, leaned over towards Kenshin.  
"Are you sure you shouldn't stop them?" He asked, concernedly.  
"No. Sometimes it's best to let them get it out of their systems. They fight like a cat and dog, but Sessha knows that deep down they're fond of eachother. And besides, the last thing we need today is built up tension while we're all rained in together, de gozaru."  
Soujiro nodded and returned to the circle of mats on the floor, where the others, including Sano and Megumi, had settled.  
"Have a look at this!" Misao said, proudly setting a wooden board in the center of the circle, ignoring the loud shouts behind her.  
"It looks like a Go* board." Sanosuke said, scratching his head.  
"I bought it the other day downtown. It's called Chess."  
"Chess?" Sano gave a puzzled look.  
"It's a western game, you moron." Megumi said leaning on her elbow and studying her fingernails, "So how do you play?"  
"I don't really know." Misao said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "The merchant gave a paper with instructions on it... but I don't think he spoke Japanese very well." She displayed the poorly written Kanji as evidence.  
"I can play." Soujiro said, meekly.  
"That's great! Here, you can show how to set up the pieces!" Misao tossed him the cloth bag of wooden figures.  
"Well, you start out putting these in front here, they're the pawns. And the castles go on the side over here..." He continued to explain to the intently listening audience, excluding Sano who lost interest in the game after he couldn't remember the difference between the pieces.  
Click. Misao made her first move, with a knight.  
"Sou-san... how do you know how to play this game?" She asked, watching the pieces assemble into their spaces like little battalions. A truer smile grew on his face when she asked.  
"Yumi-San and I used to play this often." He moved his bishop to the right.  
"Did you win?"  
"Often I did. Chess is like Kenjitsu. You can predict your opponent by his emotions."  
They looked at the board in silence a while, and resumed moving their pieces.  
They played on, as Soujiro continued, moving and studying Misao's cherubic face, which hid very little of her thoughts.  
"The important thing about Chess," he continued, "Is that the goal isn't to slaughter your opponent, but to corner him, so he has no more choices." With this he set forth another pawn, where Misao could easily take it.  
She did, but of course that put her other pieces into a dangerous position.  
"Damn! I shouldn't have done that!" he cursed, looking at her mistake.  
Kenshin, who had been watching in fascination, reflected on this sacrifice.  
'You give up the pawns to fight for the king,' He said to himself, 'It's all a part of that mentality. The weak perish, and the strong survive...'  
"Check... mate!" Soujiro said, sliding another pawn into position in front of Misaos king.  
"What?!" She yelled, "I almost had YOU!" She slammed her fists on the floor, causing the taller pieces to fall over.  
"But you let your gaurd down. You can't be agressive with out protecting yourself." Kenshin smiled slightly watching Misao's defiant grin grow. Seeing Misao happy always seemed to bring joy to the others.  
"Alright, so I lost this time."  
"But you played well for your first time."  
"Well, I will beat you come our next game!"  
"And I look forward to it."  
A shinai came sailing out of the air the next instant, and sent the rest of the chess pieces flying.  
"Look what you did now, baka!" Kaoru's voice rang.  
"It wasn't my fault, Busu!" Yahiko pouted, running up to the board.  
"Sorry!" He said, picking up his shinai.  
"We were finished anyway." Misao shrugged, causing Yahiko to freeze in surprise.  
"What, you're not gonna pummel him, weasel girl?" Sano asked, leaning on his fist.  
"Nope, but you, on the other hand, had better watch out!" She threateningly displayed a kunai.  
Sano gulped, and shrank back.  
Although she continued to smile and chat with the others, Misao lost herself in some deep thoughts.  
'You don't attack him, you corner him so he has no choice...'  
  
~*...*~  
  
"Ohagi!" Yahiko yelled, forgetting his conviction of five minutes before to remain silent out of anger to Kaoru.  
"Thanksh Megfummi!" He muffled gratefully, his mouth already stuffed with the sweet rice balls.  
"Don't eat them all, Yahiko!" Kaoru scolded grabbing one for herself.  
"I thought you were supposed to be on a diet," He said, rolling his eyes.  
"Shut up!" she spat, "My figure is just fine!"  
"Yummy!" shouted Misao, ignoring the fight going on beside her, "I just love Ohagi!" She took a huge bite and smiled thankfully at Megumi.  
"Maybe you could teach me how to make these." She said, "I'd like to be able to make something for Aoshi-Sama besides just tea."  
"Well, they're pretty easy to make. Next time you can help me."  
"Really?" Her eyes started to sparkle, "That would be great!"  
Aoshi quietly had a few while Sano sat on the floor noislily munching.  
"I gotta hand it to you, kitsune." He said halfway through a bite, "These are pretty good."  
"What makes you think they're all for you?" She asked, grabbing the box of ohagi, "Ken-san needs some too, you know." She picked up a piece and offered it to Kenshin.  
"Erm... thank you, Megumi-Dono..." He hesitantly accepted it.  
"No problem, anata." She winked at him, which fortunately was not caught by Kaoru.  
A low rumble of thunder sounded outside.  
"Still raining," Kenshin sighed, gazing out the window.  
  
Nobody noticed Aoshi leaving the room, except for Misao who followed him quietly.  
In the adjacent room, he sat on the floor, in the spot where he usually meditated. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, facing the shelf where a vase and a burned out jar of insense sat.  
The air was cold, very cold, with the rain that fell outside. His eyes still closed he took in his surroundings, the constant rhythm of the rain, the bite in the air that caused goosebumps to rise on his arms, and the creaks of the walls and floor.  
He didn't need to look up to know she was there, watching him. Even if he hadn't heard her breathing, he could have sensed she was behind him, he could sense the longing in her heart.  
'Misao-Chan,' he tried to say with his mind, 'Please, please leave. I don't want you to be hurt.' He still heard her breathing, as they both stood still, quietly grasping the moment.  
'Why do you continue to follow me, Misao-Chan?' He prayed that she would stop and leave. He mournfully wished that she would stop her infatuation. He knew she loved him, and he knew she deserved a better man.  
He heard her step forward.  
'Don't hurt yourself, Misao-Chan.'  
And step forward.  
'Please don't come any closer.'  
And step forward again.  
'I can't love you that way.'  
  
Without looking he felt her sit down beside him, crosslegged, mimicking his position. She observed everything he did and copied, synchronizing her breathing with his.  
'Aoshi-Sama, please notice my feelings.' She pleaded in her thoughts.  
'Misao-Chan, please give it up.'  
She looked at him for a long time, before he finally opened his eyes. He still didn't look at her, only kept his head straight forward.  
"Aoshi-Sama," She said quietly.  
No response.  
"I know it's rude of me to come in here..."  
She waited for some sign from him, but recieved none.  
"There's only one way to say this Aoshi-Sama. I might as well say it now!"  
He turned cold, in spite of the already chilly room. He pleaded that she wouldn't.  
"I love you, Aoshi-Sama," her cheeks turned pink, as she stared forward, same as he was doing, "You're the only man I ever loved."  
'You're the sister I never had. Don't do this, Misao-Chan.'  
He was frozen in his spot with words he could not say.  
"Dammit, Aoshi-Sama say something!" She begged, her eyes starting to show tears.  
Only his mournful eyes could show anything of his thoughts.  
"Just say you love me!" She had reached over and grabbed his shoulders.  
"I can't!" was all he said harshly, pushing her away, and she fell backwards on the floor. She wasn't as strong as he expected her to be. She was just so... small.  
"I can't," he said, remorsefully, "You're just a child."  
She clenched her fists together, gazing at him, feeling as though this had happened before.  
"That's all I've ever been to you!" She yelled furiously, "I'm just a child! You don't care for me at all!"  
'I care for you, Misao-Chan. You're all I have for family.'  
"Misao-Chan-"  
"Don't call me that, anymore!" She screamed, and left the room.  
It was quiet again, and the gentle thunder rolled, moving on time, as if nothing had happened. But the apocalypse had already taken place. He felt it. He felt her pain.  
'I wish it could be different.' He thought... 'but, wishing does nothing.'  
  
Misao stormed through the next room, not caring who saw her. She ran past the whole group, and into Kaoru's room where she had been staying.  
"Stupid Aoshi! Stupid love! Stupid Misao-chan!" she cursed to herself, stomping around and throwing things. "It's all so stupid!"  
She kicked a dresser and slumped down against the door.  
  
The whole group paused, watching Misao go past in a blur. They all could sense what had happened.  
With thoughtful eyes, Kenshin watched her run down the hallway, her angry feet echoing as she disappeared.  
'So she finally told him,' He bowed his head, 'Aoshi... what did you do?'  
He stepped into the next room, where he knew Aoshi and Misao had been. Everybody watched, but said nothing. Kaoru set down her rice ball and followed Misao.  
Aoshi still sat in his meditative position, as though nothing had happened. It was dark now, and the moon barely shone through the unrelenting rain.  
Kenshin watched Aoshi and tried to think of what to say. He kneeled beside the tall ninja, gazing forward at nothingness.  
There was a contemplative silence before Aoshi was finally the one to speak.  
"I- never wanted to hurt Misao-Chan." He said with sorrow in his tone.  
"You still call her chan, Aoshi. She's not a little girl anymore."  
Aoshi shrunk his broad shoulders down into a slouch, which he hadn't done before. He hung his head in shame.  
"You tell me that time and time again, Himura." He muttered, "I just can't believe it. I can't think of her any other way. She's not a woman, she's not a lover, she's just my Misao-Chan."  
"I know you have very fond feelings for her. But she dosen't see that. You see her as a little sister, rather than the strong woman who loves you and followed you around half of the country. She fought and risked her life just to prove herself to you. You betrayed the Oniwabanshuu, and shattered her trust in you, and yet your returned and she forgave you, just as soon."  
"I know."  
"So why won't you at least give her a chance."  
"I can't love her. Not in that way."  
Kenshin looked with sympathetic force at Aoshi.  
"Won't you even give her a chance?"  
"Hn."  
"Why can't you at least consider her?"  
"Because-"  
"Is there another?"  
The question hit a nerve. Aoshi winced as though he had been hit by a large weight. That was enough of a response.  
Trying to sort things out, Kenshin looked back at Aoshi's behavior. There was nothing he had ever said or done to prove that he wanted anyone else. He strained harder, trying to think.  
"Is it Megumi?" Kenshin asked slowly. Aoshi's icy eyes fixed on the ceiling and strayed back to Kenshin's face.  
  
Misao heaved a great sigh, slouching her shoulders against the wall.  
  
'I never should have said anything,' She thought regretfully to herself. She fumbled around for something to throw and her grip blindly landed on a soft paper object.  
"That paper balloon," She said, looking at it reverently. She drifted back to the day she bought it in the market, nostalgic for the times when Aoshi would give her such things to play with.  
"I can't give up on Aoshi-Sama," She spoke into the empty space, lifting herself up, "I'm going back to talk to him."  
  
"Why do you think that it's Megumi?" Aoshi asked, tentatively.  
"I've seen the way you look at her. I know she is a painful reminder of your past, but I never thought you felt that way about her."  
"I don't. But I feel an affinity with Megumi."  
"Why is that?"  
Aoshi drifted back in time through his thoughts and memories. Megumi, the woman who made the opium for Kanryuu. He never supposed he would be coexisting with her, let alone coming to care about her feelings. She was a wounded soul as well, but she rarely showed it. He had always wondered what let her even stand to be next to him. It was he; Shinomori Aoshi, who had told her to kill herself that night. How could she stand to look at him now?  
She was looking, though. Not just at him, but at Himura. She loved himura. It seemed the redheaded rurouni was quite the opposite to her than the dark ninja. The man who encouraged her death, and the man who talked her out of it. And one of them, she loved.  
He remembered the time he had been driven to insanity by grief. The madness of desire for power. He pursued Battoussai like he was hunting an animal; it became the primal drive for his existence. To kill Kenshin was the reason he gave up everything; betrayed everyone.  
But each time Himura avoided his kodachis, he had a deepened respect for the man. Though he could not put it into words, there was an ironic sense of chivalry he felt towards him, as he tried to take his life. When he finally regained his direction, and abandoned his dream of slaughtering Battoussai, he retreated to his meditations. In the long hours of thought and reflection, he came to realize, that the force drawing him towards Kenshin was far more than a swordsman's respect. He felt love.  
Seeing Megumi-San pine after Himura without him knowing her true pain, only proceeded to remind Aoshi of his own feelings, and further his understanding of Megumi.  
Now Himura himself was asking who it was he loved, and how could he answer?  
"Why do you feel an affinity with Megumi-Dono?"  
Aoshi studied Kenshin's face. The strong resolve, the sense of ultimate truth, the spirit he had fallen in love with.  
"We both love the same person, who knows nothing of our feelings,"  
Before this comment could settle in on Kenshin, Aoshi had turned to face him. He placed his hands gently on Kenshin's shoulders and leaned forward to kiss him.  
He did so, taking in everything about that moment, because it would not last, and he knew that well. His first and possibly only kiss with the one he loved. Aoshi savored the feeling, although it was fleeting, while he was unsure of Kenshin, who seemed too shocked to do anything else.  
For that moment, there was a frozen space in time, where for just a second, the rain drops stopped falling, and the pendulum on an old grandfather clock stopped swinging.  
That moment was frozen, for the second Misao stepped in the doorway, and saw everything...  
  
*  
  
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* End- Chapter 2  
  
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* A/N I'm sorry, that was kind of sad. It's my first ever Shonen Ai, so it may sound a little akward. Heh.  
  
~~~Words~~~  
  
Go- A board game in Japan. I'm not sure of the rules.  
  
Toori-Atama: Rooster Head. (Sano's nickname)  
  
Kitsune: Fox People often call Megumi "Kitsune Sensei", meaning "Fox Doctor"  
  
Ohagi are sweet rice balls, and Bokken and Shinai are training swords.  
  
That's about all. If you have other questions of definitions I've left out, please feel free to ask.  
  
~*~  
  
Now please review! Pretty Pretty please! ~*~ 


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